


Accomplices in Parenting

by agirlintheville



Series: Hulkeye Dads [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, M/M, Pet fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlintheville/pseuds/agirlintheville
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was from a tumblr prompt that went around:<br/>When I told you that I loved you enough to hide a dead body for you, this isn't what I had in mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accomplices in Parenting

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to add a few more scenes to this, but I hurt my head and I'm a bit tired. So here we go!

Clint was in full on spy mode. He hugged the walls, ran swiftly on his toes, and used a small hand mirror to look around the corners of the hallways before tucking and rolling across the unprotected areas.

Bruce strolled behind him, still buttoning up the shirt that he had hastily pulled on after Clint had burst into their rooms, clamoring for his help.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this panicked,” he remarked mildly, finally finishing his buttons and beginning to straighten his collar.

“You think this is panicked? You shoulda seen me this morning. Now come on, move faster!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bruce followed him at a quicker pace, the shrillness in Clint’s voice urging him forward.

Clint slowed as he came to a final corner, putting a finger to his lips. He peeked around, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the living room was still empty. 

“Okay, here’s the plan. Tony took Beth out this morning to go shopping, so they should be gone for a while still. Everyone else is either training in the gym or out of the tower. That means that the coast is perfectly clear, and no one has found out about this yet.”

He pulled a small box out of his pocket, “I need you to grab the corpse and place it in this box. Then head to lab to dispose of the evidence. While you’re doing that, I’ll stay up here and fix the scene, make it look like nothing ever happened. Everyone meets up for dinner, and no one ever realizes what we did.”

Bruce pushed a hand through his hair. “How exactly are you going to fix the scene?”

Clint grinned brightly and reached into his jacket, holding up a plastic bag. 

Bruce stared at the bag, and then at his husband. “Where? When?”

“The guy down on 11th. This morning, after Tony and Beth left.” Clint pursed his lips and stared at the contents of the bag. “It wasn’t easy- that guy is a total shyster.”

Bruce sighed, and put his hands on his hips. “You know when I told you that I loved you enough to hide a dead body for you? This is not what I had in mind.”

“What, would you have prefered an actual dead body? I think hiding the death of our daughter’s beloved pet fish is an acceptable alternative.”

Bruce rubbed his chin, “You know, we really should just leave it. She’ll have to learn about this kind of stuff eventually, circle of life and all that.”

Slowly, Clint lowered the plastic bag holding Beth’s replacement fish and stared at him. “You want to leave it? You want our six year daughter to find Xena the Warrior Goldfish floating upside down in the state of the art fish tank that her Uncle Tony bought her? The one that he bought her on the condition that she learn all she could about taking care of a goldfish because good people are responsible and care for the things that they love? And that if the fish lived for 10 days, he would buy her more fish so that Xena wouldn’t be lonely?”

“Clint…”

“ _ And  _ with that promise in mind, she researched for _hours_ about how to take care of Xena, what to feed her, and how to decorate her tank. You want her to know that after all of that hard work, the fish died anyway because it was a carnival fish and those little buggers never last long. Do you really want her to accept that Xena will never swim with her true love Gabrielle, and will never join Hercules in fighting the evil gods?”

Bruce blinked, “She already picked out names out for the future fish?”

“Yes, of course she did! She also wants two hermit crabs and she plans to name them Ichabod and Abbie.” At Bruce’s raised eyebrow, he shrugged. “We’re on a strong women fighting the supernatural kick right now.”

“Right. Fine, okay, give me the box. Just, we’re only doing this once, alright?”

“Yes, yes fine.” Clint pressed the box into Bruce’s hands and scanned the living room again. “Okay, you’re clear. Go!”

Bruce darted around the corner and headed to the fish tank that was currently the feature of the room. The poor tiny fish was definitely deceased. Bruce shook his head; the brave and beautiful Xena had made it to day 8. Bruce sighed again-  Clint was right, they couldn’t let their girl down.

Swiftly, he grasped the fish net and scooped up the floating dead fish, dumping it in the box in his hand. Then, he breezily headed to his lab, the box tucked away under his elbow. 

Somehow, he made it to his lab without running into anyone, and he buried the box in the hazardous waste materials that was scheduled to go out the next day. He hoped Clint was able to get his part of the plan done. 

He looked around at his experiments that were currently running. While he was down here, he might as well check on a few of them.

~<>~

Bruce looked up, frowning as the automatic doors to his lab whooshed open. Clint strode through, smiling at him fondly.

“Clint? What’s up? Did the plan go okay?”

“If you mean the plan to switch out Beth’s dead goldfish for a living goldfish, then yes, that went off without a hitch. In fact, she’s upstairs admiring its sleek colors right now.”

“Beth’s back already? I thought she and Tony went out for the whole afternoon.”

Clint shook his head, and leaned against the table that Bruce was currently working at.  “Not only has Beth returned, and showed off all of her goodies, she has also had a nap, and has been asking about you. I’m now on a mission to bring scientist papa up for dinner.”

“Dinner? Is it that late? I’m so sorry.”

“No worries. We’re just now setting the table. Anything I can help you wrap up?”

“No, just about done really.”

Bruce went around the lab closing containers, flicking off instruments, and settling everything down for the evening. When he finished, Clint slid an arm around his shoulders, and they walked over to the elevators.

Once in, Bruce hugged Clint closer. “So she really didn’t notice?”

“Not a single thing. She’s been decorating and cooing to Xena since she woke up from her nap.”

Bruce let out a breath. “We did the right thing. Right?”

Clint squeezed reassuringly. “Yes we did. She already knows that we have dangerous jobs, and that things can and do hurt us. Let her believe that Xena is untouchable. Just a little while longer.” 

Bruce nodded and smiled against Clint’s hair. “Yeah, you’re right. But just for record, this is it for pets. If taking care of a fish is this stressful, I can’t imagine her with a dog or kitten or hamster or something.”

Bruce felt Clint stiffen for a few seconds, then deliberately relax again. Pulling away, Bruce frowned at him. “Clint?”

“So, um, before the elevator opens, let me just remind you that Beth is the only child in the Tower right now and it is perfectly reasonable for all of her aunts and uncles to want to spoil her.”

“What?”

The elevator pinged as it opened up in the main living room. Bruce had time to hear series of excited yips before a golden ball of fur struck him in the chest and knocked him off his feet.

“Argh!”

He tried to move his face away from a furiously licking tongue, but couldn't get away from the slobber. Clint bent and picked up the wriggling puppy, so that Bruce could pull himself up.

“Clint! What the hell!”

“It’s a golden retriever!”

Bruce wiped his face frantically, “Why is it a golden retriever?”

Tony poked his head into the still open elevator and took the puppy from Clint. It responded by happily licking his face and wagged its tail joyously. Tony said, “Well, Beth has been doing such a great job with the fish, and we saw this little girl in an ad for shelter puppies, and why not?”

“You got Beth a puppy?” Bruce asked incredulously.

“Yeah! I mean, she’s kept Xena alive for this long, surely she can do the same with a puppy.” Then Tony cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “She has been successful at keeping Xena alive, right?”

There was a strained silence for a few seconds before Bruce cleared his throat. 

“So what’s its name?”

Tony grinned at him, and brandished the dog. “Brucie bear, meet Buffy the Vampire Retriever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know how it reads and come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://unnaturalnoise.tumblr.com)!


End file.
